25 Songs You Should Never Sing in PoT
by fuku-bucho
Summary: 25 random songs that should never be sung in P.o.T. You'll see why soon enough. We are not responsible of any mental scarring due to inappropriate pictures, addictions to songs, etc. Happy Reading!
1. I Kissed a Girl

Disclaimer: **Fuku**-bucho do not own PoT. We just buy it off the internet. _Well, at least Fuku does._ **Bucho, you're sooo mean!!!!! **We do not own I Kissed A Girl or take any credit for the song. Everything goes to the Katy Perry and her cherry chapstick

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On with the story!!!!!

It was just another normal day at Rikkaidai, if a day at Rikkaidai could ever be normal. As usual, Marui was getting high off his bubblegum, Jackal was shaving his already bald head, and Kirihara was asking Renji what a orgasm was. Renji was blushing and trying hard not to have one himself. Yagyuu was just staring off into space, and Niou was trying to use his shiny glasses as a mirror. Because he wanted to start a fire. To get Yagyuu's attention. Then they can CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED . All was peaceful, until suddenly… "YAGYUU-SEMPAI!"

Yagyuu jumped 3 feet in the air, whacking himself the random golf club he was holding. He took a deep breath and pushed his glasses up. "What is it, Akaya?" he asked in that annoying, British voice of his.

"Yagyuu-sempai, Renji won't tell me what a orgasm is," Kirihara whined.

Renji suddenly appeared behind him from thin air. "He is too young to know."

Yukimura, who was watching the whole scene, rolled his eyes and told all the regulars to do 100 laps. It was then that they noticed that certain people were missing.

"Oi! Where's Sanada fukubuchou and Niou-sempai?"

"Hmm... ie data," Renji said, popping up behind Kirihara.

"AHHHH! Sempai, you're just like that Inui stalker freak!"

"Ahem… it was I who taught Sadaharu those skills," Renji coughed.

"AHHHH!! Sempai, you're a stalker freak!"

Suddenly, they felt a tap on their shoulders and turned around to see Yukimura looking really pissed. "We can worry about Renji's stalking habits later. Right now, go find Sanada and Niou or I'll post those pictures I took of you pole dancing in a tutu on Myspace!"

"Pictures!? What pictures? There are pictures? Let me see!!!!!…Not that I'm interested or anything…" Yagyuu stammered.

Yukimura's eyebrows rose. " It's ok, Hiroshi. Even gentlemen have urges."

Renji and Kirihara paled, and ran off to go find the two missing members. Behind a bush, a pair of aqua eyes was glinting evilly.

Meanwhile, Sanada was in the locker room, extremely pissed. He had opened his locker to find that his neatly folded Rikkaidai tennis uniform had been replaced with…_lingerie?_

He gingerly picked up the corner of the lacy… um… _underwear_, and threw it into the garbage can. _Niou, you will definitely get 300 laps for this!_ He thought, glaring at the ground. When he went back to look into his locker again, he saw a note stuck to the side. It read:

Dear Gen-chan,

Did you like your new clothes? I spend an awful lot of money trying to find the right size for you. Happy wearing!

-Your mysterious admirer (heart)

P.S. Don't you think "I kissed a girl" is a really catchy song?

Sanada rubbed his head. Now he understood why Tezuka was always ordering migraine pills. Maybe one day, he would go get some.

Out of nowhere, "I Kissed a Girl" started blaring in his head. Sanada banged his head against the wall and tried to get it out, with no avail. Finally, he sighed. _You know what? _He thought angrily_. I'll just sing the stupid song, no one's around anyway._ _But I'm going to beat the crap out of Niou later._ Sanada glanced around to check, and as he thought, the locker room was empty. So he started humming.

The regulars were frantically searching for the vice-captain and the resident Trickster when they heard the crackling of speakers. They turned around, only to see Niou sneaking out of the locker room with an evil smile on his face. Yukimura stepped forward. "What…"

Niou put a finger over his lips and winked. "Wait."

A moment later, they heard a very manly voice singing,

"I kissed a girl and I liked it,  
the taste of her cherry chap stick.

I kissed a girl just to try it

Hope my boyfriend don't mind it…"

Everyone's eyes popped in surprise, even Niou's freakishly small ones. Trying not to laugh, they all took a step forward to hear more.

"It felt so wrong, it felt so right,

don't mean I'm in love tonight,"

Sanada's voice belted out.

_Wow, I feel so much better while singing this song. My migraine is disappearing, _he thought, feeling calm.

Outside the locker room, Niou was standing on Yagyuu's shoulders, filming Sanada's song through the window. Everyone was so busy laughing that they didn't see Sanada walking out of the locker room with a faint smile on his face.

"Yukimura, what is going on? Why aren't they practicing?" he demanded when he saw the regulars crowded around something.

Yukimura said nothing. A moment later, he started to shake, collapsing to the ground.

"YUKIMURA!" *insert constipated face here* Sanada screamed. "WHAT'S WRONG?"

The captain began sobbing, turning his face away from the fukubuchou to wink at his teammates. "Sanada, how could you! You betrayed me!" he whispered. "You kissed a girl after you promised to stay faithful to me!"

The latter looked confused. Images of heroin and ecstasy raced through his head. "What happened to Yukimura?" he barked at the regulars. "What did you do to him?"

"Don't blame them! It's all your fault! You always said I was better than any girl!" Yukimura screamed.

Sanada looked flustered for a moment, before gaining his composure. "What?"

"You heard me. You told me I was better in bed than any of the others!"

The fukubuchou sputtered and was squeaking in a girly, high voice when an excited yell nearly made him deaf. "Sanada! We almost have 50,000 views on Youtube! Look!" Marui shouted.

He barely kept from fainting at the sight of the video of him singing and dancing, while the others screamed, "Seigaku will love this!"

Looking for the still hysterical Yukimura to the whooping regulars, the only thing poor Sanada could think of to say was "Tarundoru!"

So he did, and stalked off, not before assigning each of the members 500 laps each, _including _Yukimura.

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Omake:

"Tezuka, you should take a look at this…" said Fuji.

Tezuka walked over to the computer.

He stared at it. And stared. And stared some more.

"Hmm… it is a rather catchy song isn't it?" Fuji asked. He began humming it softly as he walked out of the room.

Tezuka closed his eyes and reached for his migraine pills. Out of nowhere…

" I kissed a girl and I liked it,  
the taste of her cherry chap stick.

I kissed a girl just to try it,

Hope my boyfriend don't mind it,"

Tezuka groaned. _Here we go again..._


	2. My Humps

Disclaimer: We own nothing. Except fish and chips. Why you ask? BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA. We do not own My Humps or take any credit for the song. Everything goes to the Black-Eyed-Peas

It was a completely pointless day. Sure the birds were chirping and the squirrels were stuffing their faces with nuts and the dad was beautiful and blah blah blah. So let's make it unpointlesss!!! There was a random guy doing ballet and a British guy was ordering fish and chips. He looked completely shocked when the vendor told him that they do not sell fish and chips.

"Why the bloody hell not?" he asked in that really stuck up, I-did-not-hit-puberty-yet-voice.

"Because this is Japan.…" the vendor replied.

The British guy stuck his nose up in the air and pranced away. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't see so well 'cuz he was too busy sticking his nose in the air and acting all British so he go run over by a bus. Oh well. Bye-bye birdy. Or in this cause, British birdy.

On that bus, sat a whole bunch of junior high students. One half of the bus had ugly-pus colored uniforms and the other half have sexy gray and white ones. At first glance, when one takes in their short shorts, sweaty shirts and extremely erotic faces, one might think they're gay. That, for the most part, is not true. But one must make certain, of course. So let's listen in on their conversation.

"Now, now Sanada,. If you truly want to do well on your test, you have to say the word out loud," a boy with very Asian eyes said stonily.

"but I don't want to." A boy with the strangely deep voice and bad hair cut sulked.

"Sanada, you have too. My calculations proved that 56% of our peers got higher grades by speaking verbally. Now, I must repeat. What is the sausage-like structure that allows a male to pass on his genes to his offspring and hurts immensely if damaged?"

The boy called Sanada muttered something inaudible.

"I can't hear you!"

"pen…"

"louder"

"…penis…"

"louder!!"

"Penis."

"WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YUKIMURA!?!?!"

"HIS PENIS!!!!!!!"

Awkward silence followed after this loud,…er, blunt statement.

"Yukimura has a penis?" whispered one of the guys in the sexy gray jackets.

"I don't think so? He has such skinny knees though," whispered another, this one wearing a weird hat to cover his oh-so-obvious bed hair.

"I think that they are trying to offend Ore-sama with their crude knowledge of sexual parts," announced a guy who looked like he just ripped off Eiji Kikumaru's hairstyle.

"Yeah, lets show them how much we know about sexual intercourse."

"Yeah!!!"

"VAGINA!!!" Hah, top that Rikkai.

"TESTICLES!!!" Looks like they just did.

"PHELOPIAN TUBE"

"SPERM"

"VULA! Hey! Why are we naming all the girl parts?"

"Because there's more of them, duh."

"Oh. Well in that case, DISCHARGE!"

"SURE!!!" yelled Kirihara.

"THAT'S A POKEMON MOVE!!!!"

Wow, can you say random?

"ORE-SAMA SAYS MY HUMPS"

"My lovely little lumps," chanted Yagyuu.

"Check it out" whispered Chotarou. Bad Chotarou, cheating on Shishido already?

"I drive this brothers crazy, I do it on the daily.." sang Kabaji.

"they treat me really nicely, they bought me all these icees" joined Niou

"Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi and Madonna" this came from Atobe.

"Karen, they be sharing, all their money got me wearing fly," recited Yuushi in that sexy voice of his

"Brother I ain't askin'," hummed Hiroshi

"They say they love my ass in Seven Jeans, True Religion's," screeched Marui. He's really pitchy because of all that chocolate he eats.

"I say no, but they keep givin', So I keep on takin'" cut in Gakuto

"And no I ain't taken, we can keep on datin'" Jackal rapped.

"I keep on demonstrating," Renji sang

"ORGANISM!!!!!" shouted Jiroh from his sleep.

"How did you know?!" gasped Kirihara.

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_o.O okay... that's nice..._

**Kirihara-chan, don't get the seat too messy!**

_Fuku, you're so weird!_


	3. Sneakernight

Disclaimer: We don't own 'Sneakernight," Tuesday night, the Dark Knight or any other (k)night you can think of. And we certainly don't own Vanessa Hudgens. (so if you're Zac Efron, don't come and sue us)

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Atobe-sama is many things. He is rich. He is the captain of the Hyotei tennis team, the smexiest, most badass team around. But he is not a stalker.

"Atobe, are you stalking me?"

"Now, now, Sanada, Ore-same does not stalk people. That is an activity for lower class peasants like that albino guy from Seigaku."

"You mean Inui?"

"Ore-sama has not time to learn trivial things such as names. In fact, I call my little brother A1 and my little sister A2."

"…But, they have the SAME last name as you do."

"They do?!"

"Atobe, what do you want?"

"My name is Atobe-_sama_"

"I don't have time for this. I need to go hunt down Niou and Kirihara. Apparently, they thought it would be amusing to rig the tennis machines so they shot paint balls instead of regular ones."

"Ah, that would explain your…colorful attire. Ore-sama thought that you were going hippie."

"Atobe, why are you stalking me?"

"Ore-sama does not like repeating himself but he will if that shall get the point through to Sanada. Ore-sama does NOT stalk."

"Than what are you doing?"

"I am following you around."

"Why?"

"Because."

Sanada's eyebrow twitched.

"Because?"

"You should be grateful that Ore-sama took that time out of his busy schedule to follow a lowly peasant like you around."

"Why?"

"Why should you be grateful or why am I doing such an act of charity?"

"Both."

"You should be grateful because of the fact that I am Atobe Keigo. And I am following you because I have to."

Sanada saw that this conversation was going nowhere and so, ended it. Good move, Sanada.

Atobe was busily humming a song to notice the silence.

"Atobe… is that a Lady Gaga song?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Do I want to know why you are singing it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, will your answer cause me severe trauma and possible brain damage?"

"Yes."

Sanada's eyebrow twitched again. If only he had his sword. Oh, he would love to take it and CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED.

He groaned inwardly. This sudden desire of violence is unbecoming for a young man. He must have been spending too much time with Akaya.

"Sanada?"

"What is it Atobe?"

"Put your sneakers on."

"What?"

"We're going dancing all night long."

A blush crept onto Sanada's cheeks. "Atobe, I told you, that tango club was just a one time thing!"

Atobe ignored him and continued to sing.

"I got somewhere to be."

Out of nowhere, Kabaji sprang out of the bush (like a ninja!) and sang "Somewhere to be."

"I want you to come with me."

"Come with me," echoed Kabaji-ninja.

"See I put my sneakers on."

"Cause I'm gonna kept dancing after they all go home."

"So are you ready?"

"Did you eat?"

"Do you have the energy?"

"Atobe, you asking me out?"  
Inside Sanada's head, there were a mess of thoughts. He loved Yukimura. He always had loved Yukimura, and always will. But Atobe is so much richer. And Yukimura does act like he would prefer Kirihara over him sometimes. But with Yukimura, there would be no question of who would wear the pants in the relationship. With Atobe… he would probably still wear the pants, but the only difference was, they would be Prada ones.

"Oh, I'm so confused!!!" cried Sanada. He fainted.

Atobe looked at the paint-splattered man that was sprawled at his feet.

"Hey, Niou, I won the bet. What's my reward?"

Niou popped out of the bush (like a ninja too!).

"What do you think your reward is? You get Sanada for the night."

Atobe's eyes gleamed. Oh, they, well, he, is going to have lots of fun tonight.

Omake:

Sanada went to practice feeling extremely sore.

"Sanada-kun, are you feeling alright?" asked Yukimura.

"Yeah, Fuku-buchou, you walk like someone shoved a stick up your

ass," observed Kirihara.

"Oh, I bet someone did." Niou sniggered.

"Tarundoru!"

Poor Sanada. He couldn't even chase his teammate properly.


	4. Touch My Body

Disclaimer: We do not own Mariah Carey nor do we want her to touch our bodies. That would be kinda creepy.

In the busy city of Tokyo, there was an ordinary white house. Those who passed it thought that a nice, sensible family lived there. What they did not know was the person who lived in that house was not normal. Not even close. Unless you think a freakishly pale pedophile who makes evil juices is normal. And that person just happened to be receiving a phone call from another un-normal person. This person is too a pedophile. Unlike the first person, however, he does not have freakishly pale skin. Instead he has skin so yellow, it could rival that of Sanada. Or Homer Simpson.

"There is a 97% that the caller is Renji," he muttered, flashing his freakishly opaque glasses. He got them just to match his freakishly pale skin.

He picked up the phone and said, "Moshi moshi?"

"Hello Inui. I just called to tell you that I have found out Tezuka's favorite artist."

"There is an 84% chance that his favorite artist is Britney Spears."

"Precisely. However, I personally disagree with Tezuka's taste in music. I rather prefer Jessica Simpson," Renji said.

Inui looked surprised for a moment, and then started flipping crazily through his notebook. He had thought that he knew everything about Renji, but this came as a surprise. No!!!! His data has FLAWS!!!! "Correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe Niou was the one who mentioned that he wanted to knock up Jessica Simpson."

Renji chuckled in response. "Yes, but when he showed me her new music video with her washing the car in a bikini, I changed my mind."

Inui decided not to comment on that. He always knew that Renji had a hornier side, and he was not in the mood to listen to his fellow data-collector describe female habits in full detail. And when he said full detail, he meant several hours, possibly days. "I prefer Mariah Carey over any other artist. She is a good singer, and Momoshiro, who usually only stalks An, wants to do her. Plus did you see the size of her CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED!" he responded.

Inui was shocked when he suddenly heard squealing on the other end of the line. The sqeauls continued for a long time and Inui was just about to ask Renji if a pig had a spasm when a voice on the other line said, "Mariah Carey? I had forgotten about her. I quite like her song Touch My Body."

"Oh yes, how did it go again?" Inui asked, humming to himself.

"Touch my body; put me on the floor,"

Wrestle me around, play with me some more,"

"Touch my body, throw me on the bed," Renji joined in.

"I just wanna make you feel like you never did."

"Inui, do you remember when we used to sing in my room with those pink Barbie microphones?

"There is a 99.9% chance that you lied to me, and that those microphones were actually yours and not your sister's."

"I can't trick you anymore…" Renji sighed.

"Do you remember what we used to do after we sang the song?" Inui asked, drool dripping out of his mouth.

Renji's heart almost stopped for a moment. "Yeah… it felt so good… but we stopped after I moved."

"Hey, why don't I come over your house and we'll do it again, just like the old times?"

And 15 minutes later, Inui and Renji were jumping on Renji's bed, holding pink microphones.

"Touch my body; let me wrap my thighs,"

"I'll hug your body tighter than a pair of jeans,"

"I want you to caress me, like a tropical breeze,"

"And float away with you in a Caribbean sea."

"Inui, I believe you have had your share of the spotlight long enough. It is my turn now."

"Boy you can put me on you, like a brand new white tee,"

"I'll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans,"

"I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze,"

"And float away with you, in the Caribbean Sea."

Both Inui and Renji chose that moment to dance, shaking their hips and wiggling their butts. By the window, a pair of black, snake-like eyes ran to wash his eyes with ice cold water. Unfortunately, he couldn't run fast enough and a collapsed in the middle of a sidewalk. Innocent bystanders were forced to drag him to the trauma center of the nearby hospital.

"Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah,"

"Touch my body…heeyyy, uhhhh baby,"

"Ohhh, uhhhh Touch my body…uhhhhhh, uhmm,"

"Come on and give me what I deserve," Inui and Renji finished, moving their bodies to the beat.

Omake:

A few hours later, the data-masters sat at the kitchen table, still panting from their, um, _activities._ Renji went to get something to eat, while Inui scribbled furiously into his notebook. It had been awhile since he had done this, and since he was out of practice, he needed to take as many notes and possible to remind himself of what do next time.

"There is a 78% chance that you are currently taking notes about our activities," Renji noted.

Inui nodded, pushing up his glasses. "You are correct. Such an uncanny ability to predict me should be rewarded. Would you like to try my new Super Deluxe Golden Royal Inui Juice?" he asked, holding up a pitcher of murky purple liquid.

Renji took the pitcher and drank it, nodding. "You have added 15.7% more fungi too this concoction. It seems as if you have been listening to my advice."

Inui merely scribbled some more. "Renji, would you like to continue what we started last night after breakfast?"

The squinty-eyed data-master held up a package that looked suspiciously like birth control items, not that they could have children, either way. "I accept your offer, but we're going to use this next time," he told Inui.


	5. The Pineal Gland

Disclaimer: We own nothing!!!!!

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It was a completely normal day. Actually, since all of our stories seem to start that way, let's change it up about, shall we? Let's see… Atobe was over at a gazillion-star nail salon getting a mani-pedi. After all, Ore-sama needs to look his best for his date with Sanada later. Jiroh feel asleep again… only this time, it was on a lady's lap. The said lady proceeded to shriek and yell 'Rape!' at the top of her lungs. Sheesh, lady, calm down. Hiyoshi was hiding behind a bush, practicing his ninja moves. Shishido was at the gym, running on the treadmill, lifting weights and blowing balloons at the same time. Chotarou was watching adoringly nearby, hoping that Shishido would get hot enough to take off his shirt…er I mean, no, that's what I meant. Gakuto was in the hospital with Oshitari because he landed on his face when he tried to jump out of a tree. And why was Oshitari there? He poked himself in the eye when trying to push his glasses up. Smooth, Oshitari, very smooth. All, in all, it was a pretty normal day.

"Ore-sama cannot believe that you fell asleep _again_."

"Sorry, Atobe, that nice Nee-san's lap looked so comforting."

"You fell asleep in a lady's lap? Nice."

"Gakuto! That is not _nice_. Ore-sama had to pay a bunch of money and flirt with that ugly-ass jailer to get you out of the big house."

"You flirted with another man already? Aren't you banging with Sanada?"

"Ore-sama is a man of many urges, Oshitari."

"A slut."

"Ore-sama is not a slut"

"That shirt looks pretty slutty to me."

"Well, I'm going on a date with Sanada later, what do you expect?"

"Atobe, I've seen bras with more material than that shirt."

"You saw bras, Oshitari? Nice!"

"SHUT UP GAKUTO!"

"As mush as I like discussing Atobe's bare skin-"

"Oh, thank you, I use Shea Cashmere Shower Cream from Bath and Body Works."

"- shouldn't we do something about Jiroh's sleeping problem?"

"Shishido's right, we should focus on Jiroh."

"Hey, Jiroh,- WHAT?! THAT NARCOLEPTIC BASTARD FELL ASLEEP AGAIN!"

Yes, it is true. The sleeping beauty of Hyotei fell asleep. Apparently, even Atobe's slutty shirt wasn't enough to keep him awake.

"I think we should give him some meth."

5 pairs of wide eyes turned to face the speaker.

"Hiroshi, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say."

"Meth is a stimulant that provides energy."

"Meth is illegal."

"That may be the case, but there are many ways to get it."

"How?"

"We can smuggle it across the border."

"What border? Japan is a FREAKING ISLAND!"

"Shishido-san, please don't raise your voice."

"Chotarou is right, yelling won't to anything."

"Oh yeah, Oshitari? Maybe yelling will wake that bastard up!"

And Shishido proceeded to yell and throw a hissy fit next to Jiroh for the next hour. He ended up with damaged vocal chords for the rest of the year.

"Well now that Shishido is done throwing his 'man-trum,' I say that we take more of a biological point of view on Jiroh's sleeping habits."

"Biological? That's not a word, Oshitari."

"It is on Microsoft Word 2003."

"…"

"Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, Jiroh's problem obviously has something to do with the pineal gland-"

"Penal? Like penis?"

"No, not penal, pineal-"

"Did someone say penis? Nice!"

"SHUT UP GAKUTO!", everyone roared. Except Shishido. He just gave him the finger.

Omake:

-Just before Atobe's big date with Sanada-

"Atobe."

"Yes?"

"Were you flirting with anyone today, a police officer by any chance?"

"Well… ummm….ehhh…"

"Yeah, that was my father."

"Oh. Well, we can always have a threesome!"

Author's Note: **Uh… we've been getting lots of supportive reviews, so arigato gozaimasu!!!!! But, we have heard that song fics were banned, so I don't think that we'll incorporate any songs into this fic anymore. Unless we have a REALLY good idea. Anyway, keep those reviews coming!**


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